The First Homesickness
For as long as I can remember, I’ve been able to stay away from home for weeks on end without missing home. I went away to university 4000 kilometres from my home, knowing only a few people, and never really felt homesickness. But it’s been two and a half months here in Morocco and I’m starting to really miss home.
I don’t know why. It’s honestly the weirdest feeling… one which I’ve never felt before. It all started the other when a bunch of us Canadians got together for a pancake breakfast with real maple syrup. For a second, I closed my eyes and it was like being home again. To be fair, I should’ve known this would trigger it. But then today, my phone updated the Timmy Me app for Tim Horton’s, my favourite Canadian coffee place, and then it struck me… ‘Wow I really miss home’
I think part of it is just missing Canada. I miss the little things of course; ginger ale, Tim’s, Pounair, etc. As well, I miss the bigger things like the Canadian spirit and the way people act. Obviously, I miss my family and friends so much. I miss Queen’s life and spirit as well, even though I proudly wear my snapback everywhere and talk about Queen’s all the time.
On the whole, I don’t miss ‘home’ specifically but rather my conception of home- the life I have in Calgary and Kingston fused together in a utopia. This image of my Ontario life, family, and friends somehow together with my Calgary life, family, and friends has been playing in my mind all day. It’s tempting me of a ‘perfect’ idea of home which is so hard to shake, but one which I know is nonexistent but want so badly to believe.
I think the thing I miss the most of all is hugs. Here in Morocco, there is a super cool custom of kissing people on both cheeks but you only hug people when you really know them.Hugs in Canada are so much more common, and there’s a certain feeling of warmth of a hug which you don’t get in just kissing the air next to someone. I miss that feeling a lot.
They say that after your life starts to fall into habit, this feeling of homesickness sets in. This could not be more true for me. In a lot of ways I don’t have a set routine everyday, but rather a collection of the same activities I do each week. I go to school, I go to my favourite cafe, I sleep, I eat, I listen to music, I hang out with friends, but all of this is like what I would do in Kingston. It feels like the spark of exchange has gone missing. I’ve travelled around the world to end up doing the same things I do back in Canada.
Someone who went on exchange once told me that when you’re feeling sick, think about home and all the things you miss most. Remember how good it feels to have them and more importantly remember what it feels like to never have to miss them Then think about how little time you have on exchange and how you probably won’t have these experiences again in the same way. This is a temporary experience that you ought make the most of because when you go home and try to do a post-mortem analysis of what happened, you don’t want to regret not doing more.
Over the next few weeks, I’m going to try and change things up. Try out new cafes, explore new areas, try new restaurants, try to meet new people, and try to experience new things. Stay tuned for more of my adventures! Here’s a selfie of #Heather and I looking disappointed by a poster of a Canadian Cabinet Minister
